Liquid's Punishment 4
by Liquid
Summary: Yet another punishment for everyone's favorite villan, Liquid. Can he make it thru Resident Evil 4? MUST HAVE REVIEWS!
1. The Village

Liquid sat in the back of the police van with his arms crossed, and an evil grimmis on his face. Here he was once again having to face another resident evil game just because Xing was on another power trip. But this time it was bad because resident evil 4 had only come out on game cube, and Liquid only had a PS2, so he was going in without any prior knowlege.

"You are a long way from home, eh, cowboy"? One of the officers asked.

"No". Liquid replied. "I was born and raised here, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU STUPID FRENCH ASSHOLE"!

"We are in Spain, cowboy". The other officer replied.

"Same shit, diffrent smell".

"You're just pissed because Xing is making you rescue the president's daughter". "Have you looked at her picture yet""She is very hot".

Liquid had already looked at the picture, and he had to admit that Ashley was very attractive. But he also figured that she would end up being annoying and useless.

"Great". Liquid replied. "With my luck she will be a grown up version of Sherry Birkin, and then I"ll kill her myself".

The van crossed a small bridge, and came to a stop on the other side.

"The village is down that trail". The officer said. "Have fun, cowboy".

"Now just a goddamn minute". Liquid replied as he got out. "You want me to do this alone"?

"We just don't want to get any parking tickets".

"What kind of bullshit is that""Screw this, I'm gone".

Liquid began walking toward the bridge, and stopped when the officers trained thier guns on him.

"Sorry, cowboy". The officer said. "Xing gave us orders to get you into the village".

"You guys suck". Liquid said as he turned and began walking toward the trail. "Stupid french assholes, I hope they die slow".

Not 30 feet down the trail, there was a small house, and a car blocking the path to the village. So he groaned and walked up to the front door.

Being the suttle and modest man that he was, Liquid kicked open the door, raised his 9mm, and stopped when he saw a man stirring whatever it was that he was cooking. There was also a sign in spanish above the pot, but Liquid could not read spanish.

"Excuse me". Liquid said as he walked closer to the man. "Have you seen any zombies or anything around here".

"Unga bunga". The man replied.

"That stuff looks kind of tasty". "May I"?

"Mookie tookie bunish collie funstis".

"Thanks".

Liquid stuck his finger into the pot, and then licked it off.

"Oh, God". He said with a cringe. "That stuff tastes like shit".

"Michie litchie collie mollie dingo dingo". The man replied as he reached up to the sign.

He then turned it around to the english side, and the color drained out of Liquid's face as he read it.

TRAMPOLANYA VILLAGE HUMAN WASTE DISPOSAL STATION

"Shit eater". The man said as he raised his meat cleaver. "Shit eater".

Liquid then shot him in the head.

"Lord Saddler". He said as he died.

Suddenly as if on cue, the car outside roared to life, and barreled toward the police van.

It slammed into it and both viehicals went over the cliff.

"YES"! Liquid yelled. "How does a parking ticket sound now, assholes"!

The bridge then collapsed.

"Damn it"! Liquid yelled. "There's always gotta be something".

"Muhomid fallah addid"! A voice said from outside.

3 villagers had appeared out of nowhere, and were now walking toward the front door.

"Ziggy zaggy hoi". The villager said.

Liquid had probibly killed the town's only shit burner. Not exactly the best way to make a first impression. But Liquid was very smart, so he instantly thought up a good plan.

"Motorola bon jovi". Liquid replied in gibbrish.

He had no idea how to speak this language, but it was worth a shot.

"Nobunaga chang choy". the vilager said.

"Bibbity bobbity boo".

"Chowunga foo kown"?

"Supercalafragilisticexpaladocious".

The villagers screamed, and began beating on the door.

"Was it something I said"? Liquid asked.

The door was about to break, so Liquid had to act fast. There was a grenade sitting on the table, so he pulled the pin, dropped it in front of the door, and dove out the window.

The villagers broke thru the door just in time for the grenade to go off.

"Lord Saddler". They all said as they died.

Liquid didn't care who this Lord Saddler was, nor did he care.

He was tempted to see if the officers had survived, but then he decided not to, and continued down the trail.

That's when he saw the dog caught in the bear trap.

"Awwwwwwwwwww". He said as he walked toward it. "Poor puppy".

He reached for the trap, and the dog snapped at him, making him pull his hand away.

"Well, fuck you, then"! Liquid said as he started away.

The dog then started whining, and Liquid began mumbling curses as he grabbed the trap, and released the dog.

"You're free". Liquid said. "Go".

The dog looked at it's leg, and shook it to make sure that it worked. Then it sunk it's teeth into Liquid's leg.

"OWWWW"! Liquid yelled. "GET OFF ME"!

He kicked the dog, and it ran off into the woods.

"Ungrateful bastard". Liquid said as he put a badage around his leg.

A moment later, he was walking again, and that's when he saw the sign.

It was the one from the blair witch project.

The village was just ahead, so he ignored the stick figure, and walked up to a tree where he could observe. It would probibly be easy to sneak past these people.

A high pitched electronic noise made him jump, and all the villagers looked at him.

"Oh poopy". Liquid said as the whole town staired at him.

"Durka durka backa lacka dacka"! A villager yelled.

The whole town ran toward him with pitch forks raised, and he knew that he couldn't take all of them.

But suddenly a bell started ringing, and everyone turned toward the church.

"Monga konga". A villager said.

"Oooggy boooggy". Another one said.

Liquid couldn't believe this. "They were just walking away from him.

"Bible huggers". He said. "They have to be bible huggers".

No matter what the reason, he wasn't going to waste this opportunity. So he ran streght thru the village, stopping only to grab a convieniently placed shotgun. He kept running and running, but then had to stop when he came to a dead end with a large house.

He went in, and heard a loud banging noise from a dresser. He opened it, and out fell a man who was tied up and gagged.

"I've always wanted to do this". Liquid said. "So don't take it personal, ok"?

He then grabbed the tape, and ripped it off as hard as he could.

"AYE"! The man yelled. "You stupid ass"!

"Hey"! Liquid said. "I know you". "You're Antonio Banderis"!

"No". He replied. "I am Luis".

"I knew that".

"Untie me, quick". Luis said. "Before he comes back". "He does horrible things to you, and it takes weeks before you can sit down again".

"What"?

Loud thumping noises were heard in the next room, and they were getting closer.

"Shit"! Luis said. "He's here".

"Who's here"? Liquid asked.

"The village chief".

The door opened, and in stepped the biggest man that Liquid had ever seen.

"Oh, my bad". Liquid said. "This isn't where I parked my car".

He then grabbed Luis and pushed him back into the dresser.

"What are you doing"! Luis asked as Liquid closed the door.

"Ok". Liquid said to the chief. "He's back in there, and I'm just gonna leave". "So, you guys have fun".

The chief backhanded him, making him fly backward into the dresser, shattering it.

"Take them to Lord Saddler". The chief said to his minions as Liquid lost consiousness.


	2. Old Friends And New Enemies

"Pitiful human". Lord Saddler said to the unconsious Liquid. "This stuff is gonna fuck you up".

He injected something into the back of Liquid's neck, and then tossed the injecter aside.

"Bring me the long rubber glove". Lord Saddler commanded.

"Hey"! Luis yelled. "Wake up"!

"Yes". The sleeping Liquid said. "Yeah, Rebecca, just like that".

"Wake the fuck up"!

"Yes, mistress". "I'm a worm".

Luis headbutted him, and Liquid's eyes opened.

"What happened"? He asked. "Why are we tied up"?

"You tried to leave me for dead". Luis replied.

"Bugous kamahamaha"! A villager yelled as he kicked open the door.

He raised his axe, and walked toward him.

Liquid and Luis both tried to get away, but they pulled in opposite directions, and went nowhere.

"Wooly booly"! The villager yelled.

Liquid thought he was finished, but then something strange happened. A set of R and L buttons appeared in front of him, and they somehow moved just in time.

Instead of cutting them, the axe broke the hand cuffs, allowing them to escape.

Liquid had just gotten to his feet, when the villager was on him.

"Maybe I would have helped you if you had helped me". Luis said. "But see ya later".

"Bastard"! Liquid yelled as Luis ran away.

He struggled with the villager for a second, but then got an idea. He took out his lighter, and put the flame on the villager's cotton shirt.

Soon the villager was engulfed in flames, and Liquid was sad that he had no marshmello's.

"Lord Saddler". The villager said as he died.

"Damn, I'm good".Liquid said as he stepped on the crispy body.

The high pitched electronic noise once again scared him, but this time he noticed that it came from his radio.

"Hello"? He said.

"It's about time". Hunnigan replied. "I've been trying to contact you for hours".

"Well, I'm sorry for any inconvienience that I've caused you". "Who the hell are you"?

"Hunnigan, your operator for this mission".

"Since when do we get operators"?

"I understand that you have been out of the loop for awhile, Liquid". "But alot has changed since you blew up that base in the south pole". "Xing wants me to bring you up to speed".

"You're kind of cute". "Do you swallow"?

"EXCUSE ME"!

"Just kidding"..."Hunnigan"?

She had hung up.

"Well, fuck you, then". Liquid said as he clipped the radio back on his pocket. "You wouldn't hang up on me if I had my powers back".

He started walking toward the door, when something moved outside the window.

Nothing moved as he slowly leaned his head out the window.

"AHHHHHHHHH"! The merchant screamed as he jumped up.

This caused Liquid to scream and fall on his ass.

"I scared the shit out of you". The merchant laughed. "Come on outside, stranger".

He dissapeared from the window, and Liquid got to his feet.

"Mother fucker"! Liquid yelled as he drew his 9mm.

He ran outside, and around to where the merchant was standing next to a strange blue flame.

"Hold on, stranger". He said. "I got somethin that might interest ya".

He grabbed the flap of his coat, and Liquid aimed his gun.

"You are so dead if you flash me". Liquid said.

His attitude then changed when he saw all the ammo and guns that this man was carrying.

"What are you buyin"? He asked.

"I'm a bit short on cash right now". Liquid replied. "Do you take Visa"?

"And just where would I swipe it"?..."My asshole"?

"That's gross, dude"..."Wait a minute".

Liquid looked closer at him.

"Are you Wesker"? He asked.

"No". He replied.

"Are you sure"?

"Yes".

"I think that you are".

"Think what you will, stranger". "Are you buyin or not"?

"Maybe later". "See you around, Wesker".

Liquid turned away, and began walking toward the back door of a large house.

Apon entering, he noticed that the room was full of portraits of the village chief, and that the bed was 10 feet long.

"Ok". Liquid said. "This is the wrong place to be".

The village chief suddenly appeared behind him, and picked him up by the throat.

"Wrong". He said. "You are in exactly the right place...for what I have in mind".

He swung Liquid around, and slammed him into the wall.

"When I was a human". The chief said. "I had these uncontrollable urges". "That's why I joined this cult...all thoes urges were supposed to be erased". "But when Lord Saddler put the Los Plagos into my body...the old flame came back".

He pulled Liquid closer to him.

"Have you ever kissed a giant"? He asked.

"No". Liquid replied in a scared voice.

"You're gonna".

"AHHHHHHHH"!

Suddenly the chief was being peppered from behind by light machiengun fire, and they turned around to see Ada firing thru the window.

"WOMAN"! The chief yelled as he tossed Liquid aside and went after Ada.

But Ada pulled herself up at the last minute, and the chief fell out the window.

Knowing that the chief would recover soon, Liquid ran as fast as he could thru the house, and he was just opening the front door, when the chief grabbed him again.

"You're mine". The chief said. "Concubine".

"Nooooooo"! Liquid screamed.

But suddenly the chainsaw guy attacked, and Liquid lifted his legs up just in time to miss the blade.

So instead of sinking into Liquid, the blade tore right into the chief.

He dropped Liquid, and grabbed the chainsaw guy, giving Liquid the chace to get away.

Liquid soon found himself back in the village.

The radio beeped.

"I'm sorry, Hunnigan". Liquid said as he picked it up.

"Hello, Liquid". Xing replied.

"I don't want to talk to you". "Put the cute chick back on".

"She doesn't want to talk to you".

"What do you want, Xing"?

"Oh, nothing". "Just wanted to let you know that you're surrounded".

"WHAT"!

"Bye-bye".

Xing hung up, and Liquid looked up to see that he was in fact surrounded. So he drew his 9mm, and shot the first villager in the head. But theen something strange happened. His head exploded, and was replaced with a strange red and purple growth.

"EWWWWWWW"! Liquid yelled. "SICK"!

It was at this time that he decided to run like a little bitch. He hopped over a fence, and found himself in a small graveyard.

No one was around, and there was a chuch at the top of the hill, so he decided that it was the best place to check out.

He was just about to the door when the radio beeped.

"Hello, Liquid". Xing said.

"That wasn't funny, asshole". Liquid replied.

"Neither is what you have to do next". "The key to that door is down that trail, across the lake, and behind the waterfall".

"I hate you".

He hung up, and started down the trail.


	3. The Worst Hero Ever

The trail was nice enough at first.

There were no monsters as he walked, and there weren't even any enemies as he crossed an old bridge.

The bad part came once he entered the big open area, and the paths closed in front of him and behind him.

An extreamly loud roar came from inside a cave, and he almost cried as the giant came out.

"FUD ANGRY"! It screamed.

Liquid waisted no time in empting his clip into it's head, but the monster was unfazed.

"FUD NO LIKE LITTLE MAN"! It screamed.

A howl was then heard, and Liquid looked up to see the same dog that he had helped earlier.

"Alright"! He yelled. "Man's best friend"!

The dog jumped down, and waisted no time in sinking his teeth into Liquid's leg.

"GODDAMN IT"! Liquid yelled.

The giant swung at Liquid, but he ducked, and the dog was knocked over the wall.

"FUD ANGRY"! The giant screamed again.

It was then that Liquid noticed a large thorn in the giants hand. So he made a daring move, and succeded in removing the thorn.

The giant stopped yelling, and looked at his hand.

"FUD NO HURT NO MORE"! He yelled. "FUD HAPPY"!

Liquid sighed with relief.

"FRIEND"! Fud yelled.

"Alright"! Liquid said as he shook hands with Fud.

But he forgot to drop the thorn, so it was driven back into Fud's hand.

"FUD ANGRY"! He screamed.

He swung at Liquid, and knocked him over the wall.

Liquid landed on the bridge, and his back hurt as he got up.

"Fuck this 'lock and key' bullshit"! He yelled as he turned around.

He ran back up to the church, and kicked the door open.

The church was small, so it didn't take long for him to find the ladder that led up to the second floor. But the kicker was that there was no way to get across to the other side once he was up there.

Unless...

He got a runing start, and leaped onto the chandeller.

It then crashed to the floor, and Liquid mentaly kicked himself for being so stupid. What kind of idiot swings on a chandeller?And then he kicked himself again for not seeing the second ladder on the other side.

Soon he was on the second floor once again, and there was only one door.

He opened it, and recieved a kick to the balls as a reward.

He moaned like a zombie, and collapsed like a bunch of broccoli.

"Get out"! Ashley screamed as she backed into the corner.

Liquid moaned again, and tried to get up.

"Get away"! She yelled as she threw things at him.

"Stop it"! Liquid ordered. "I'm here to save you"!

Ashley stopped, and then helped him up.

"Did my daddy send you"? She asked.

"Kind of". He replied.

"Sorry I hit you".

"Well". "You could always make it up to me".

He put his hand on her ass, and she punched him.

He stumbled backward across the room, and fell on his ass.

"Crap"! He said as he held his jaw. "You hit harder then Xing does"!

"Pervert"! She replied. "Just get me out of here"!

Liquid got up.

"Fine". He replied. "The sooner I get rid of you, the better".

The went to the ladder, and Liquid jumped down. Then he held his arms out, and Ashley jumped. But he pulled his arms away at the last second, and she fell to the floor.

"Asshole". She said as she got up.

"That's what you get for kicking me in the balls". He replied.

They were almost to the front door, when Lord Saddler came out, and villagers surrounded them.

"You are without a doubt the worst hero of all time"! Ashley yelled.

"Shut up". Liquid replied.

"Welcome, Liquid". Saddler said.

"Who the fuck are you"?

"I am Lord Saddler, the master of this fine religous community".

"Why are you wearing a dress"?

"It's not a dress""It's a robe".

"Yes it is, my sister has one just like it"..."And what the hell is that in your hand"?

"You ask too many questions". "Kill Liquid, and bring the girl to my private room".

Liquid grabbed Ashley by the hand, and they dove out the window. Liquid landed in the grass, and Ashley landed in a water trough.

"You are without a doubt". Ashley said as he pulled her out of it. "The worst hero of all time".

"Durka durka muhammid ali"! A villager yelled.

"Let's go". Liquid said as they ran away.


	4. New Developements

Liquid kicked open the door, and they ran across the graveyard, persued by the villagers.

"Over the fence". Liquid said as they ran up to it.

Ashley climbed over, and Liquid followed close behind, but an arrow went into his leg as he was climbing over.

"OWWWWW"! He yelled as he fell onto the other side of the fence.

Ashley helped him up, and they ran toward the big door that Liquid had noticed earlier.

With a little teamwork, Ashley was over the door, and it soon unlocked.

Liquid got in, and closed the door just as the villagers were comming around the corner.

Liquid growled as he ripped the arrow out of his leg.

"Does it hurt"? Ashley asked.

"No". Liquid replied. "I only let out blood curdling screams when stuff tickles".

"Well, how about now"?

She stuck her finger into the wound, and Liquid fell to the ground.

"Bitch"! He yelled as he smacked her.

"You hit me"! She replied.

"You hit me first"!

Liquid stood up, his leg already almost healed.

"You are worthless"! She continued. "You can't even manage a proper rescue"!

"I was right"! He replied. "You ARE a grown up version of Sherri Birkin""But she was less annoying"!

"Why did my dad have to send YOU"?

"Why would he send ANYONE after your worthless ass"!

"I'll have you know, asshole, that there is a large ransom on my ass"!

"If I was your dad, I'd have the terrorists pay to give you back"!

"You are the most stupid, ill-mannered, egotistical, uncivilized, unkempt, no-good shit-for-brains that I have ever met"!

"I'm not egotistical""Proud, maybe"!

"Asshole"!

"Bitch"!

"Loser"!

"Slut"!

"Dumbass"!

"Fake-blonde"!

They suddenly grabbed eachother, and started kissing.

"I hate you"! She said as they kept kissing. "You should die"!

"I'd leave you here if I could"! He replied.

"AHHHHHHHH"! The merchant yelled as he came out of nowhere.

This caused Liquid and Ashley to scream, and jump back.

"I got you again, stranger". He said.

"Get this". Liquid said as he aimed his 9mm.

He pulled the trigger, and the merchant effortlessly dodged the bullet.

"HA"! Liquid yelled. "I knew it, you're Wesker"!

"No, I'm not, stranger". He replied. "Do you have anything for sale"?

Liquid thought for a second.

"What will you give me for the girl"? Liquid asked.

Ashley smacked him in the back of the head.

"Scripto theraflu"! A villager yelled as the big door behind them opened.

"Shit". Liquid said.

The merchant jumped onto a clif that was about 30 feet up, and Liquid and Ashley ran across the bridge.

"Stop". Liquid said once they were on the other side.

He then turned around, and shot the ropes, making the bridge collapse.

"Holy crap".Ashley said. "Looks like you did something right".

There was a house up ahead, so they ran inside, and saw Luis standing there with a blow up doll.

"What the hell"? Liquid asked.

"Oh, hi". Luis replied as he tossed the doll out the window. "And who is this sexy little schoolgirl"?

"I'm Ashley, the president's daughter". She replied. "Who are you"?

"I am Luis".

"And"?

"That should be enough".

"Why is that"?

"Because I am Luis". "Are you Luis"?..."No". "Only I am Luis".

"That's nice".

"We should have a threesome".

"WHAT"!

"Butane mesenko ha"! A villager yelled from outside.

Suddenly villagers came out of the woods, and surruonded the house.

"Ashley, go hide". Luis said. "Me and Liquid will hold them off".

"Like hell we will". Liquid replied. "I say that Ashley goes out as a distraction, and we run like bitches".

Too late,the villagers were starting to come in.

"Upstairs"! Liquid yelled.

The three of them backed up the steps as more and more villagers came in, and once they were all inside, he pulled the pin off one of his grenades,and tossed it down the stepps.

The explosion rocked the house,and all the villagers were dead.

The rest outside began mumbling, and walked away.


	5. Continue?

"Well, it's been fun". Luis said as he backed up toward the door. "But I gotta go".

"And just where the hell do you think you're going"? Liquid asked.

He moved closer to Liquid's ear.

"I got a little something that will knock Ashley out for atleast two hours". He said. "I'll even let you go first".

"You are the man". Liquid replied.

"What's with all the whispering"? Ashley asked.

"Uh...Luis was just saying that he has something that will stop the growth of the los plagos".

"Really"?

Luis started to object, but Liquid elbowed him in the stomach.

"Of course he does". Liquid said. "And he's going to get it right now".

"Well". Luis said. "I can wait a minute".

Liquid pointed his gun as Luis's head.

"Or I can go now". He said as he ran out the door.

He left, and Ashley walked up to Liquid.

"I'm sorry that I was so mean to you". She said. "You saved me twice, and even though you suck as a hero, I'm gratefull".

"Thanks". Liquid replied.

They kissed again for a minute, then she backed up.

"We should get going". She said as she started toward the door.

"Hold on". Liquid said, stopping her. "Give me back my wallet, you little trollup".

"You first". She replied.

They tossed eachother their wallets, and then walked out the door.

No villagers were in sight, so they made their way toward the woods, but came upon two doors.

"Let's split up". Liquid said.

"Are you insane"? She asked. "I don't even have a gun".

"Well, excuse me if you can't have all the 5 star comforts of life". "Let me guess, you want me to protect you, right".

"Well, yes". "Isn't that your job"?

"No". "I only need you so that Xing will let me out of here".

"So, if I stay right here, you can't go home"?

Liquid had nothing to say, and Ashley smiled.

"So, it's you who needs me". She said. "Then there are going to be some changes around here, servent boy".

"Servent boy"? Liquid asked as he aimed his gun at her head.

His radio beeped.

"What"? He asked.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you". Xing said.

"Why not"?

"I'll keep you here forever".

"How about you try to deal with this horrid little bitch"? "I was right, she's a grown up version of Sherry Birkin".

"You kids have fun".

"Don't hang up on me, Xing"..."Xing"?

He lowered his head, and Ashley started laughing.

"Here's how this is going to work". She said. "I will go with you as long as you do everything I say".

Killing her was almost worth having to stay here. Claire was easier to deal with.

"Sit". She said.

"You are so dead". He replied as he sat down.

"Roll over".

"I hope they eat you". He said as he rolled over.

"Now take off my shoe, and suck my middle toe".

Liquid had now reached his breaking point. He would gladly stay here as long as he could be away from her.

He raised his gun, and shot her right in the head.

But then something strange happened. He was forced to his knees by an unseen force, and the whole area became solid black. Then the words MISSION FAILED flashed in fromt of him.

But suddenly everything came back.

"This is how it's going to work". she said. "I will go with you as long as you do everything I say".

"What the fuck just happened"? Liquid asked.

His radio beeped.

"HAHAHAHAHA"! Xing said.

"I'm at a loss here". Liquid replied. "What just happened"?

"In this game, if Ashley dies, you get to restart right before it happened".

"I get continues"? "Since when do you get to continue in Resident Evil"?

"Times change, Liquid". "But since you want to be old school, you will only get to continue if Ashley dies".

"What if I die"?

"You stay dead".

"THAT'S FUCKED UP"!

He hung up, and liquid screamed his rage.

Ashley started laughing.

"Can we please just go"? Liquid asked.

"Ok". She replied. "But only since you asked so nicely".

He did eeney-meenie-miney-moe to pick a door, and they walked in.

"Oh, well". She said. "Atleast things can't get any worse for you".

"FUD ANGRY"! The giant screamed as he came into view.

"Did I mention that I hate you"? Liquid asked her.


	6. Liquid's Secret Weapon

Fud roared as he slowly approached.

"Watch this". Liquid said as he aimed his gun at the rocks above them.

He fired, and a large boulder came loose. It then shattered on the giant's head, and it stumbled backward.

"LITTLE MAN HURT FUD"! He screamed. "NOW LITTLE MAN GO BYE BYE"!

The giant recovered, and began running toward them.

"Ok". Liquid said. "You go, and I'll cover you".

"Really"? She asked.

"You wish".

He began running back toward the door, but was stopped when Ashley hit him in the back of the head with a rock, making him stumble into the wall.

Ashley then pushed him down, and ran out the door.

"Sorry, Liquid". She said as she locked it.

"Not as sorry as you will be". Liquid said to himself as Fud got closer.

Fud was now right over him, and his arms were raised up in preparation for the death blow.

Suddenly an Green A button appeared in front of him, and he was rocketed out of the way just in time.

"DIE YOU QUASIMODO LOOKING BITCH"! Liquid yelled as he emptied his clip into the red spot on it's back.

Fud screamed, but then turned around, and picked Liquid up.

"FUD ANGRY"! He screamed. "FUD SQUASH BUG"!

Liquid only had one option left as Fud's hand started to squeeze. It was a weapon so terrible that Liquid himself had almost died last time it was used.

He reached into his pocket, and took out a small brown box.

"FUD EAT LITTLE MAN"! The giant roared as he brought Liquid closer to his mouth.

This was it. Liquid opened the box, and tossed the weapon into Fud's mouth.

That weapon was none other then Barry's left sock.

It went down Fud's throat, and he released Liquid as the stench burned him from the inside out.

His entire body was melting from the powerful odor, and Liquid just barely managed to get out of the way before the half melted giant fell.

The sock continued until Fud had been compleatly melted, and then Liquid ran toward the far door.

He thought of going back for Ashley, but decided against it as he pushed on the door.

White words suddenly appeared on the door:

YOU CANNOT LEAVE ASHLEY ALONE.

"Damn it"! Liquid screamed.

He ran back toward the other door, and stopped only to very carefully retreave the sock.

"Ashley". He said. "I killed it, let's go".

She opened the door, and walked over to him.

He then smacked her in the face.

"That's for leaving me". He said.

"You tried to leave me first". She replied.

"Don't change the issue". "This is about you, not me".

"I swear, you are the most irresponsible, egotistical, low class, bastard that I have ever met".

"I don't consider myself to be egotistical". "Proud maybe, but never egotistical".

She rolled her eyes.

"I give up". She said. "Can we just go"?

"Fine".

"Fine".

They walked over to the far door, and went outside to find the merchent waiting for them.

"Welcome". He said.

"Hi, Wesker". Liquid replied. "I need a new shotgun".

"You got money"?

"No".

"What are you selling"?

"The offer still stands on Ashley".

"Tempting, but I'd kill her within 5 minutes".

Liquid thought for a second.

"I have this weapon". He said as he took out the box. "It will kill anything it touches".

"Ahhhhhh". The merchant replied. "I'll buy it at a high...jesus christ, what is that god awful smell"?

"I call it the sock of doom".

"Very well". "I will give you the riot gun and some ammo for this all powerful weapon".

"Done".

The merchant then leaped over the wall.

"Shall we move on"? Liquid asked.

They walked over a narrow bridge, and came to a gate with a hole in the center.

"I've seen these before". Liquid said. "It's a glory hole".

"No it's not, you tard". Ashley replied. "It's an retna scanner".

"Correct". A voice said, making them jump.

A robot head had appeared out of the gate.

"I know you". Liquid said. "You're the droid that guarded Jabba's palace in Star Wars". "What the hell are you doing here"?

"Well". He replied. "This was the only gig that I could get". "Everyone loved R2-D2, but they forgot about me".

"Sorry to hear it". "Can you let us thru"?

"No".

"Why not"?

"Only the village chief can open this door". "But I don't think that he wants you to leave".

"Where is he"?

"Down that path". "But I wouldn't go down there if i were you". "He likes good looking young men like you".

"Let's go then". Ashley said as she started walking down the path.

"Aren't you going to follow her"?

"No". Liquid replied.

"Oh, yes you are". Ashley said. "Or I'll jump off the cliff, and make you have to keep starting over".

The droid laughed as Liquid began to follow her, but the laughter was cut short by a blast from Liquid's riot gun.

"R2-D2 was way better". Liquid said as he walked away from the broken droid.


	7. The Village Chief's Eye

"Ok". Ashley said. "I've got another one".

This had to be the longest ride that Liquid had ever been on. Sure, it seemed that the convayer only had to travel about 300 meters, but now it seemed more like 3,000.

But it was his own fault that it was taking so long, but Ashley had it comming.

"Here it goes". She continued. "What do you call someone who has to be my bitch or they can never go home"?

"I have a better one". He replied. "What does it take to get you to SHUT THE HELL UP"!

"Give up"?..."You call it Liquid".

"Ok, Ashley". "Here is the best joke in the world". "What has blonde hair, frantically waves it's arms and legs, and goes AHHHHHHHHHHHH splat"?

"I don't know".

Liquid then pushed her off, and fell over laughing as her screams got fainter.

But then just like the last ten times, he found himself sitting next to her as the ride started over.

After what seemed like years, they made it to the bottem, and found themselves in front of a large barn.

"So, check it out". Ashley said.

"You check it out". He replied.

"You would send a girl in there all by herself"?

"Oh, I get it". "In this great age of equil opportunity where women can hold jobs, and join the army, it's still the man who has to rush into the creepy barn".

"I'm glad you understand".

She then pushed him inside, and locked the door.

"Hey"! He yelled as he banged on the door. "Let me out"!

"Fe fi fo fum". The village chief said from somewhere in the back. "I smell the blood of my new brittish bitch".

Liquid dove behind a large crate.

"Be he alive". The chief continued as he got closer. "Or be he dead...I'LL FUCK HIM IN THE ASS"!

"That doesn't rhyme". Liquid said.

Then he clamped his hand over his mouth after realising that he had just given away his position.

"I can smell your funk, Liquid". He said as he walked over to the hiding place. "And I'm comming to burry my face in it".

He jumped around the corner, but Liquid was gone, and the whole area smelled like gas.

"Where did he go"? He asked.

"Behind you". Liquid replied as he took a puff of his cigerette.

The chief gasped as he realised that he was standing in a large puddle of gas.

"Well, well". Liquid said. "Isn't this interesting"?

"I was just joking". He replied. "Put that down, and we can forget that this ever happened".

"Put it down"? "Ok".

"NOOOOOOO"! He yelled as Liquid flicked it at the puddle.

But it went out, and nothing happened.

"Damn it". Liquid said. "That always works in the movies".

The chief suddenly rushed him, and gave him an uppercut that sent him flying across the entire barn.

He broke one of the support beams as he fell, and the roof began to collapse.

Liquid dove out of the way, but it fell on the chief, who caught it, and struggled to hold the entire roof above his head.

"Question". Liquid said as he got up. "Is that heavy"?

"Yes". The chief said as sweat rolled off his forehead.

"Can you move"?

"No".

"Are you sure"?

"Yes".

Liquid began tickeling his ribs, making the chief piss his pants, but he couldn't move out from under the roof.

"Well, it's been fun". Liquid said as he pulled the glass eye out of the chief's head. "But I have to go, and for your information, I'm only half brittish".

"Come back here"! The chief yelled as Liquid walked back toward the door.

"Ashley, open the door". "I got the eye".

The door creaked open, and Liquid turned white as a lit match flew in.

"SHIT"! He yelled as he dove for cover.

The barn exploded, and Ashley laughed as fire rained down all around the area. But a nail was rocketed into her head, and Liquid found himself standing in the barn once again just as the door was creaking open.

He dove out the window,and was rocketed 10 feet by the explosion.

"Ashley"! He yelled as he got up. "I'm going to kill you"!

He ran at her, and dove at her throat, but the nail slammed into his shoulder, making him fall.

"Quit clowning around". She said as she yanked the nail out of him, making him scream. "Let's get moving".

"How much are they ransoming you for"? He asked.

"I don't know".

"Well, if I was your father, I'd make the terrorists pay to give you back".

They eventualy started moving back toward the gate, but what they didn't see was the chief starting to free himself from the wreckage.

"Liquid". He said.

But then another barrel of gas exploded right next to him, and he died anyway.

Once they reached the gate, Liquid used the eyeball, and it opened.

"Mitchy litchy collie mollie dingo dingo"! A villager yelled.

5 more appeared on top of the hill.

"Great". Liquid said.


	8. Battle For Love

After destroying the 5 villagers, and having to continue once again for Liquid pushing Ashley in front of the truck, they found themselves in front of a castle.

His radio beeped.

"What now"? Liquid asked.

"I see you made it out of the village". Xing replied. "Good work".

"Thanks".

"But I'm afraid that this castle is way more dangerous then the village ever was".

"How so"?

"You'll find out as soon as you go inside".

"Well, who says that I'm going in at all"? "Maybe we can find a better way".

"You won't have the chance".

"Why not"?

"Look behind you". "See you later".

"Bastard". Liquid said as he put it down.

"Uh...". Ashley said. "Liquid"?

"What the hell do you want"?

"Look over there".

He looked and his eyes went wide as he saw what had to be hundreds of villagers pouring thru the gate, and running toward them.

"RUN"! Liquid yelled.

They ran across the drawbridge, and grabbed the controlls.

Soon the bridge was up, and they ran inside.

"Shit". One of the villagers said. "They got away".

"Can we stop talking like retards now"? Another one asked.

"Yeah, but what do we do now"?

"Hey, the red socks game comes on in 15 minutes". "TO THE TAVERN"!

They started yelling as they ran back to the village.

"That was close". Ashley said as they walked thru the castle gate.

Everything was dark and silent as they walked up some steps, and entered a large courtyard.

"Looks like nobody's home". Liquid said.

"Hey, Liquid, Ashley"! Luis yelled as he came up from behind.

"How in the hell did you get in here"? "The drawbridge is up".

"I am Luis".

There was no point in trying to get a streght answer, but right now they had more important things to worry about.

"Nevermind". Liquid said. "Did you bring it"?

"I sure did". He replied as he took out a bottle of pills. "Luis always delivers".

"What's that"? Ashley asked.

"It's uh...". Liquid replied. "Stuff to stop the los plagos from spreading in you".

"Good cover". Luis whispered.

"But, I'm not infected". She replied.

"Maybe you are, and just don't know it". "Better safe then sorry, huh"?

"I guess".

She took 3 of the pills, and swallowed them.

The effect was almost instant, and she became drowsey before passing out on the floor.

"YES"! Liquid and Luis yelled.

Luis walked toward her.

"Hey, hold on". He said. "You said I could go first".

"But, I am Luis". He replied. "I must always go first". "Are you Luis"? "No, so you cannot go first".

"Bullshit". "I do not do sloppy seconds".

"Then I am afraid that we must fight".

Luis snapped into a kung fu position, and did a bruce lee yell.

"I must warn you". He said. "I am a third degree black belt, and I was a stunt double for Chow yun Fat in Iorn Monk".

"Yeah"? Liquid asked. "Well, I beat Teken 5 on hard mode without cheat codes".

A look of fear raced across Luis's face.

"Then this should be interesting". Luis said. "Prepare to face Luis"!

He ran at him, but Liquid stuck his fist out, and Luis ran right into it.

"YOU HAVE INJURED LUIS"! He shreaked. "HOW DARE YOU"!

He charged again, but Liquid brought his foot up, kicking him in the balls.

"Luis cannot be defeated". He said as he got back up. "But I'm surprised that you have not only survived fist to face style, but also balls to foot". "You are truly talented in martial arts".

"What the hell are you talking about"? Liquid asked.

Luis charged once again, but Liquid kneed him in the stomach, and slammed his elbow into Luis's back. Then he grabbed him by the shirt collar, and punched him in the face as hard as he could.

"I'm bleeding". Luis said as he passed out. "Making me the victor".

Now that Luis had been taken care of, it was time for Liquid to claim his prize.

"I must have fallen asleep". Ashley said as she woke up. "What happened to Luis"?

Liquid's jaw dropped. She was supposed to be out for atleast three hours.

If there was one thing that Liquid hated, it was doing extra work for nothing. It was time for drastic measures.

He walked over to her, and helped her up.

"Ashley". He said. "We need to talk".

"What is it"? She asked.

"I've never felt this way about anyone before". He lied. "It's like I've finally found my dream girl".

"Really"? She asked with a smile.

"Uh...yeah, of course".

They kissed, and then she slammed her knee into his balls, making him fall to his hands and knees.

"You lying little assclown". She said. "I know what the two of you were planning". "But luckily for me, all thoes collage partys have given me a rather strong tolerance to drugs like that". "Yes, I was awake the entire time, but I just wanted to see you two kick the crap out of eachother".

She kicked him in the side, and started toward the castle door.

"Hurry up". She ordered.

Liquid slowly picked himself up, and followed her.


	9. Master Of The Castle

They walked inside, but stopped when they heard insane laughter comming from the balcony.

There were two large robed figures standing there.

"HA HAAAAAA"! A high pitched voice yelled "Now I've got you"!

Neither of the figures had said it, so they began looking around for the source of it.

"I'M RIGHT HERE GOD DAMN IT"! The same voice yelled. "Where's my fucking step stool"?

There was a stepping sound, and a little man came into view between the figures.

"Now, where was I"? He asked. "Oh, yes...HA HAAAAAA"! "Now, I've got you"!

"What the hell is that"? Ashley asked.

"I am Harpo, the angry midget"! "And these are my slaves, Thing 1, and Thing 2". "Boys, show them what you do".

"Right here"? Thing 1 asked. "Do we have to"?

"YES YOU HAVE TO"!

"Uh...ok".

Thing 1 took a roll of toilet paper out of his robe, and moved toward Harpo.

"NOT THAT"! Harpo screamed. "THE OTHER THING YOU DO"!

"Oh, sorry". Thing 2 said.

"You know what, nevermind the demonstration". Harpo said. "Just throw the switch, and obstruct their path".

Thing 2 hit a button, and a wall rose up in their path.

"Have fun, losers". Harpo said as they walked away.

Liquid walked up the the wall, and examined it. There was a depression where something was supposed to be set.

"I am so god damed sick of these stupid puzzles". He said. "Now we have to search the entire fucking castle".

"What's this thing"? ashley asked as she grabbed something from the floor.

It wasn't possible, Liquid thought as she gave it to him.

It was the piece that they needed to open the slab.

"What was the point of closing it"? Liquid asked as he put it in the wall.

It opened, and they walked up to another door.

"WHAT THE FUCK"! Harpo yelled as they walked in. "How did you get thru"?

"The key was laying right there". Liquid replied.

"WHAT"!

"Sorry". Thing 2 said. "My fault".

Harpo picked up a rolled up newspaper, and swatted him with it.

"Well, Liquid". Harpo said. "It seems that I've underestimated you". "But are you brave enough to take 3 steps forward"?

Liquid took 3 steps, and then Harpo hit a button, and Liquid fell thru the trap door.

"What a simpleton". Harpo said. "Thing 1, get the girl".

Liquid landed in some water, and had just missed the spikes by about 3 inches.

"Welcome". The merchant said.

"What are you doing here Wesker"? Liquid asked as he got up.

"My job". He replied. "But I am not Wesker".

"Do you know the way out of here"?

"That door over there".

"Thanks".

Liquid walked across the room, being careful not to step on any of the bodies. Then once he was thru the door, his radio beeped.

"What is it Xing"? He asked.

"Sorry". Harpo replied. "We've jacked the line".

"Well, atleast I don't have to talk to Xing anymore". "What do you want"?

"I just wanted to let you know that I plan to use Ashley in nasty and perverted ways"..."Oh, and to tell you that Thing 1 is comming to kill you".

"What"!

"Have fun".

He hung up, and a roar shook the tunnel as Thing 1 came into the room.

"What do you think"? He asked. "Was the roar too much"?

"No". Liquid replied. "It was pretty scary".

"Thanks, I try".

"Don't mention it".

"Tell you what". "Let's have fun with this". "I'll give you 15 seconds to run like a little bitch". "What do you think"?

Liquid was already gone.

"1, 2, 3, 4". Thing 1 counted. "5, 6, 15".

He took off the robe, and roared as he ran after Liquid.


	10. Sore Loser

Liquid screamed as Thing 1 chased him down the tunnel.

"Gonna get you"! Thing 1 yelled. "Gonna get you"!

He dove into another room, and Thing 1 tried to stop in time to follow him, but he slid, and crashed into a wall.

"I'm ok". Thing 1 said as he got up.

Liquid found an elevator, and pushed the button, but his heart sank when the panal told him to wait about 4 minutes for it to reach the top.

"Figures". He said. "I find the world's longest elevator shaft".

"FOUND YOU"! Thing 1 yelled as he walked in.

Liquid backed up against the elevator cage.

"I found you". Thing 1 repeated. "And now we get to play".

He started jumping up and down while clapping his hands.

"Play"? Liquid asked.

"Yep". Thing 1 replied. "The game is called The Big Hurt".

He grabbed Liquid by the collar, and tossed him out of the room, making him crash into the wall.

"FUN"! Thing 1 yelled. "Your turn".

"Huh"? Liquid asked.

"Your turn to be the big hurt, stupid". "Take your best shot".

"Uh...ok".

Liquid punched him in the face as hard as he could, and Thing 1 started laughing.

"I win". He said. "New game". "This one's called Hit The Deck".

He backhanded Liquid, making him fall on his ass.

"Your turn". He said.

Liquid took the riot gun off his shoulder, and blasted Thing 1 in the face, making him stumble backwards.

"No fair"! He yelled. "You cheated"! "And cheaters get CASTRATED"!

"How about a diffrent game"! Liquid quickly yelled.

"What game"? Thing 1 asked.

"Why, truth or dare, of course".

"Ok". "Truth or dare"?

"Truth".

"Have you ever...um...uh...um...".

"How about I go first"? "Truth or dare"?

"Uh...dare".

Liquid grinned. He had hoped that he would pick dare.

"I dare you". Liquid said. "To cover yourself with liquid nitrogin".

Thing 1 hesitated.

"I don't know". He said.

"Chicken"? Liquid asked.

"No".

"What"? "Did you say yes"?

"No".

"So, what you are saying is that you are afraid to cover yourself in liquid nitrogin"?

"I am not a chicken"!

"Careful, don't want to start molting".

Thing 1 suddenly grabbed the canister, and opened it, covering himself with the liquid nitrogin, and freezing in place.

"Looks like you win". Liquid said.

"What do I win"? Thing 1 asked.

"Well, I'm afraid that all I have left in one small package of HORRIBLE DEATH"!

He raised the riot gun, and fired, blowing Thing 1 into tiny little pieces.

"I don't like this game". His severed mouth said.

Liquid crushed it with his foot, and looked just in time to see the elevator comming up.

"It's been fun". Liquid said as he walked into the elevator cage. "But I must be going".

He pushed the button, and it started up.

"Hey"! the shattered pieces of Thing 1 yelled. "A little help here"!


	11. Liquid's Weakness

The elevator went up for what seemed like forever, and then stopped in what appeared to be some kind of courtyard.

There was only one door, so Liquid went in, and found himself in someone's bedroom.

"HA HAAAAAA"! The merchant yelled as he once again scared the crap out of Liquid. "Welcome, stranger"!

"Well, you seem happy". Liquid replied as he got up.

"What are you buying"?

"Not a damn thing".

"Come back anytime".

The merchant suddenly became a blur, and leaped out the window.

Liquid was about to leave the room, when someone came out of nowhere, and kicked him in the head, sending him into a bookcase.

"I know that kick". He said as he got up. "Hello, Garth Brooks".

"Actually, it's Ada". She replied as she came into the light.

"Damn". "I'll get it right one of these days".

She swung at him, but he caught her fist.

"Nice to see you, too". He said as he pushed her back. "To what do I owe the honor"?

"Just business, as usual". She replied. "OH MY GOD, LOOK OVER THERE"!

Liquid looked behind him, and then mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. Ada then broke a chair over his head, sending him down. Then she leaped onto his back, and put him in a sleeper hold.

"Sleep, Liquid". She said.

"Good plan". He replied. "But you forgot one thing".

"What's that"?

"You don't weigh very much".

He got to his feet, and began ramming backwards into the wall, until Ada fell off. Then he backed up across the room as she recovered.

"Come on". He said. "Can't we just have angry sex or something".

"Sorry". She replied. "I'm with Wesker now".

"And just what does he have that I don't"?

"Money, power, an unbelievibly sexy voice, and he can bench press a taxi".

"Yeah, so"?

"His dick is bigger then your's".

"It was cold that night". "And besides, it's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocian".

"Whatever helps you sleep at night".

"You didn't complain too much last time".

"You drugged me last time".

"Must we fuss about every little thing"?

Ada once again ran at him, and he was about to block, but she did a bullet time kick, and sent him flying into the wall.

Liquid was getting up, but before he could, Ada ran over to him, and pinched the top of his right ear.

He was frozen in place.

"Why...you..."! He gasped.

"Rebecca told me about your little weakness". She said as she pinched harder. "And now you're mine".

She began punching him in the stomach, then she slammed his head into the floor.

"You...horrible...horrible...bitch"! Liquid yelled.

"Repeat after me". Ada said. "I am Ada Wong's bitch".

"Fuck you"!

She pinched harder.

"I am Ada Wong's bitch"! He yelled.

"Good boy". She said. "Now say, Ada Wong in the most beautiful, smart, and strongest woman in the world, and I would give my soul to lick her feet".

"Die a slow death"!

She not only pinched harder, but also twisted it, making him scream in pain.

"Ada wong is the most beautiful, smart, and strongest woman in the world"! He yelled. "And I would give my soul to lick her feet"!

Ada began laughing.

"I don't think it will come to that". She said.

Her radio beeped.

"Having fun"? Wesker asked.

"Lots". She replied.

"Well, you need to stop". "You have a mission, remember"?

"Yeah, yeah".

"Leave Liquid alone for now, and get the sample". "Then you can have your fun".

She hesitated.

"What is it"? Wesker asked.

"Ummm". She said. "It's not the best idea for me to let go of him".

"So, just push him out the window".

"WHAT"! Liquid yelled.

"Ok". Ada said.

She hung up, and made Liquid move to the window. Then she kicked him, and he fell.


	12. Chasing Harpo

Thing 2 pushed Ashley forward toward a tower.

"First I'm going to make you dress like a cheerleader". Harpo said. "Then a nurse, a girlscout, a schoolgirl, and finally like Chun Li from street fighter 2".

"Now, I've got you"! Luis yelled as he jumped around the corner, and aimed his gun at Harpo's head. "Luis wins again"!

"Luis"! Ashley yelled.

"Thing 2". Harpo said. "Crush him".

Thing 2 went for an attack, but stopped when Luis produced a small white mouse.

He let it loose, and Thing 2 screamed as it chased him around.

"And now". Luis said. "Ashley will come with me, and I will be a hero".

Suddenly, Liquid landed on top of him.

Luis was dead.

"You idiot"! Ashley yelled as Liquid got up.

Harpo quickly kicked the mouse off the bridge, and Thing 2 grabbed Ashley. Then they ran into the tower, with Liquid following close behind.

"Stop"! Liquid yelled as they were getting into an elevator.

"Why"? Harpo asked.

"I must take revenge for Luis".

"But, you are the one who killed him".

"Don't reverse the issue". "This isn't about me, it's about you".

He thru his knife, and it stuck into the wall about 3 feet away from Harpo.

He and Thing 2 began laughing.

"Shut up"! Liquid yelled. "You think it's easy to throw a knife that far"?

Thing 2 grabbed the knife, and tossed it back, making it stick into the wall about half an inch from Liquid's head.

"Holy crap". Harpo and Liquid said.

They ran into the elevator, and Liquid dove in just before the doors closed.

"Hey, Liquid". Harpo said from outside the elevator.

"How in the fuck"? Liquid asked as he looked at him. "Wait a second...where's Thing 2"?

Liquid got his answer as he was slammed into the bars, and backhanded to the floor.

Thing 2 then stepped on his chest, and began to crush him.

"You killed thing 1"? He asked. "Now die"!

There was only one thing to do. Liquid aimed his gun, and shot Ashley.

He was suddenly back to the point where he was running into the elevator, but he stopped, and ran around it.

"Crap"! Harpo yelled. "It didn't work".

Liquid laughed as the elevator started going up, but then stopped when Thing 2 broke out of the bars, and landed in front of him.

"Damn it". He said.

Thing 2 punched him, sending him across the room. Then he picked up Harpo and Ashley, and ran out another door.

"Come back here"! Liquid yelled as he followed.

He ran out the door, and was on another bridge that went to another tower. There was another bridge comming out the side of the tower, but no sign of Ashley.

His radio beeped.

"He he he he he"! Harpo chuckled. "I wonder if you can see me"?

"Actually, no I can't". Liquid replied. "Where are you"?

"Over on the other bridge".

"Still can't see you".

"I'm standing right here".

"Nope, still can't".

"Regardless, just come thru the tower if you want to find your presious Ashley".

He hung up, and Liquid looked at the next tower.

"Oh, man". He said to himself. "I really don't want to go in there".

But his only other option was to stay put, and that would get him nowhere. So he groaned, and ran toward the tower.

A villager with a chainsaw appeared in his path.

"You again"? Liquid asked. "I thought you died".

"OOGABOOGA FUBU SHIRT"! He yelled as he raised the saw over his head.

"This is bad".

The villager brought the blade down, and the motor died.

"Shit". The villager said as he pulled the starter. "What a time".

"Hey". Liquid said. "You can speak english"?

"Yeah, we all can".

He continued to pull the starter.

"Come on, you piece of shit"! He yelled.

"So, why the gibberish"? Liquid asked.

"Oh, that"? "Lord Saddler says it makes us look more threatening".

"I see".

"You think you can help me out with this"?

"Sure, but only if you help me figure out how deep this canyon is".

"How am I supposed to do that"?

Liquid pushed him off, and listened until he heard a splat.

"Thanks"! He called as he walked over to the door.

Liquid opened it, and walked down a narrow hallway that led into a very large room.

There was a bridge that went over some water to the door,and there was also a huge statue of Harpo.

"Wow". Liquid said to himself. "Looks like someone's trying to compensate for something.

He was about to cross the bridge, when sections of it sank, and the statue's arms began moving. There were switches all over it, and it was more then obvious what he was expected to do.

"Fuck this". He said. "I can swim".

He jumped in the water, and was halfway to the other side when the statue began moving.

"What the"? He asked.

"Who's the midget now, Liquid"? Harpo's voice said. "DIE LITTLE MAN"!

It began running toward him just as he climbed out of the water. Then it tripped, and fell on it's face.

Liquid had to hold his sides from laughing so hard.

"Shut up"! The statue yelled.

Liquid walked out the door, and sure enough he was on another bridge that conected to yet another tower.

He started walking, and broke into a dead sprint as the statue busted out of the wall, and began chasing him.

"Come back here"! It yelled.

But it's foot broke thru the bridge, followed by the rest of it, and Liquid just barely made it to the other side before the whole thing collapsed.

Liquid laughed again.

"Shut up"! The statue yelled from the bottem as Liquid entered the tower.


	13. A New Destination

"Mr. Liquid". Harpo said as Liquid entered a large room. "I've been waiting for you".

"Where did Ashley go"? Liquid asked.

"Unfortionatly for both of us Lord Saddler just took her away to his private island".

"For both of us"?

"Yes". "I was going to use her for my enjoyment, and Thing 2 was going to get sloppy seconds".

"I'm never gonna get laid". Thing 2 said as he hung his head.

Liquid thought for a second.

"Alright, here's the deal". He said. "Ashley is mine once this is all over". "I've worked way to damn hard to leave empty handed". "But, I'll tell you what". "You let me pass without any bullshit, and we can run a train on her after I kill that Saddler guy".

"Sound's good to me". Thing 2 said.

"No deal". Harpo replied. "No way in hell am I going to get sloppy seconds after a washed up, powerless, no talent, smart-ass, half brittish, cowardly little bastard like you".

"NO TALENT"? Liquid yelled. "I'll have you know that I gave the lord of the dance a good run for his money back in 1999"..."Look, all I want is to find Ashley so that I can get out of here".

"Well". Harpo said. "I'm afraid that we're fresh out of that". "In fact all that we have left is a large box of UNTIMLEY DEATH"!

Harpo and Thing 2 were suddenly transformed into a giant tree looking thing.

"What do you think of this, Liquid"? Harpo asked.

"I think that you are suffering from massive internal pain". He replied. "And the only cure is an equilly strong dose of EXTERNAL PAIN"!

Liquid aimed his riot gun, and fired, but it didn't even phase the giant tree.

"Damn it". He said.

"Now I'm going to eat you"! Harpo yelled as a giant mouth began to open.

The mouth went for him, but he quickly moved to the side, and jumped on top of it as it went back, bringing him right up to Harpo.

He blasted open Harpo's shield, and yanked him out, but he also lost his balance, and they both fell to the ground as the giant tree began to die.

"Stupid little dwarf"! Liquid yelled as he began punching Harpo in the head. "I could have gotten out of here with Ashley by now, and be doing her in a hot tub somewhere, but no, you had to be the diminuitive little shit that you are"! "I mean, what the hell is wrong with you people"! "Don't you know that (with the exception of me) the bad guys always lose"!

Harpo was unconsious, and the tree was dead, so Liquid began walking toward the door. But suddenly Harpo grabbed his leg, and sunk his teeth in.

Liquid screamed, and fell on his face. Then he began kicking Harpo in the head, but he just wouldn't let go, so Liquid put his 9mm right against Harpo's head, and pulled the trigger.

It was over.

"You should have worked with me". Liquid said as he got up. "But hey, more for me".

He was about to continue on, when Ada came out of nowhere, and once again pinched the top of his right ear.

"Thanks for taking care of the little guy". She said. "I thought I would have to do it myself". "you're such a good little helper".

"Ada". He replied. "You better prey that I never get my hands on you".

"Sure, whatever you say". "Come with me".

She dragged him thru the next door, and down to where a boat was waiting. She then pushed him into the passenger seat, and put a clothes-pin on his ear, so that he couldn't attack while she drove.

2 hours later they arrived at an island, and Ada parked the boat.

"Well, we must part ways once again". She said as she fired her grappeling hook. "See you around, handsom".

She released the clothe-pin, and started up, but suddenly stopped as Liquid grabbed her ankle.

"Shit"! She yelled as she tried to shake him off.

"I guess that you didn't prey hard enough". He said as he climbed up until they were face to face. "And now I've got you".

He took out his knife, and was about to cut the rope, when she suddenly kissed him, making him lower the knife. Then she slammed her knee into his balls, making him fall back onto the boat as she dissapeared above a clif.

"I guess I walked right into that one". He said as he slowly recovered. "Damn woman".

There was no point in kicking himself about it, so he climbed out of the boat, and headed toward a door of some kind. Then he opened it, and headed down.


	14. Krauser, Coke, And Keys, Oh My

Liquid continued down the steps until he found himself inside a basement of some sort. There were large pipes all along the walls, and the floor seemed to be made of metal. But the most suspicious thing of all was the large platform in the center of the room that seemed to have no purpose at all.

He walked over to the stairs, and was about to take a step, when he heard something. So he turned around, and saw nothing.

"Hmmm". He said as he turned back toward the steps.

Liquid took two more steps, and heard it again, but there was nothing there when he looked.

"Damn basements". He said to himself as he continued toward the platform.

He reached the top, and was halfway across the platform, when he decided to turn around again.

"HA"! He yelled as Krauser froze in place.

"Damn it"! Krauser said. "I wasn't ready yet"!

"Huh"?

"Hello, I was supposed to take you by surprise".

"Why"?

"Because it's more dramatic that way". "Now, turn back around".

"No".

"C'mon, man". "I spent the last 6 hours planning this".

"Sounds like you need a girlfriend".

"What I need is for you to turn back around, so that I can take you by surprise, and kill you in an over-dramatic knife fight".

Liquid just stood there.

"Well"? Krauser asked.

"You forgot to say MUWAHAHAHAHAHA"! Liquid replied.

"What"?

"Well, you just explained your plan, and now you have to throw your head back and laugh in a sinister 1960's villinous way".

Krauser suddenly broke out into tears.

"It's not fair". He cried. "It's just not fair". "I do all this planning, and you just come in here and ruin it". "It's bad enough that they stick me in this game as a character that no one knows or cares about, but this...just...isn't...fair".

"Does it really mean that much to you"? Liquid asked.

"Y...'snif'...yes it...'snif'...does".

"Then I'll turn back around".

"Really"?

"No".

Liquid then shot Krauser in the leg, making him fall to the floor. Then he ran over and began kicking him.

"Boo hoo". Liquid said as he kept kicking. "Boo hoo, my life sucks, boo hoo". "Let me tell you what isn't fair, you cry baby bitch". "The only reason that people know that I exsist is because of this stupid shit that always happens to me". "You think I want to be here"? "You think it's fun for me to constantly be the victim of Xing's insanity"? "This is the fifth time that I've had to suffer thru this bullshit, and God only knows what is waiting for me once I'm done with you".

Krauser went for his knife, but Liquid shot him in the arm.

"I am not done talking, goddamnit". He said. "Do you want to know the worst part about this whole deal"? "Sure, I get to go home once I complete this little task, but I live in a fricken trailer park with a fridge full of stale Lagar, a cubbord full of Lays potato chips that expired in 1987, and an evil penguin who always steals my left shoe and hides the remote". "My landlord can't see him, BUT HE'S THERE"!

"Feel better"? Krauser asked.

"Not yet". Liquid replied.

"He then kicked Krauser in the head, knocking him out.

"Now I feel better". He said as he walked toward the door.

The door opened into some kind of labratory facility.

It was very quiet inside.

So Liquid tried to be very quiet as he moved down the hallway, but then stopped when he came to a coke machine.

"Only 25 cents"? He asked as he read it. "Alright".

He took out his lucky quarter that just happened to have a string attached to it. Then he put it in, and pushed the button.

A can of coke came out, and after retreaving it, he yanked on the string, and the quarter came back out.

"ALERT"! The machine screamed thru a speaker. "ALERT"! "THIS SCUMBAG TRIED TO CHEAT ME"! "ALERT"!

"Quiet". Liquid exclaimed as he put his hands over the speaker. "Do you want someone to hear you"?

"Hear what"? "That you are a deadbeat scum that stole my 25 cents"?..."Ummmmm...yes". "ALERT"! "ALERT"!

Liquid put his whole body against the speaker.

"If you don't shut up". He said. "I'll pour coke down your speaker, and you'll drown".

"Get off my speaker". The machine replied.

"Do you promise to be quiet"?

"Yes".

Liquid moved away, and it was quiet.

"Hey". The machine said as Liquid started to walk away.

"What"? Liquid replied.

"I had my circuits crossed". "ALERT"! "ALERT"!

Liquid quickly opened the coke, and poured some into the speaker. This made the machine begin coughing.

"Alright". It said. "You win this time". "But you must know that you are my nemesis, and one day I will see to your death".

"Yeah, whatever". Liquid said as he continued down the hall.

The next door opened into a small room with a creature laying on an operating table. It was very tall, black, and looked like it had some sort of spines on it's skin.

A piece of paper next to it had a message written on it.

TO WHOEVER FINDS THIS LETTER. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TOUCH THIS CREATURE OR ANYTHING WITHIN 5 FEET OF IT. IT TOOK 10 GALLONS OF ELEPHANT TRANQUILIZER TO BRING IT DOWN. THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS TO TURN AROUND, AND SLOWLY GO BACK THE WAY YOU CAME. I REPEAT: DO NOT DISTURB THIS CREATURE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. IT WILL KILL YOU. NOTHING CAN HURT THIS CREATURE. IT IS INVINCIBLE TO ALL WEAPONS, AND ONCE AGAIN THERE IS NO WAY TO KILL IT. WALK AWAY NOW AND YOU WILL LIVE.

"Sound advise". Liquid said as he started to turn around.

But then he saw the key laying on the monster's chest, and started to reach for it, but then pulled back. He had seen enough horror movies to know that touching this creature was a bad idea, but he needed that key.

Then he got an idea. Maybe if something else touched the key for him...

He picked up the paper, and the creature opened it's eyes.

The paper had been within 5 feet.

"Stupid". He said. "Stupid, stupid, stupid".

Then he grabbed the key, and ran back into the hall as the creature got up.

He was back to the coke machine, when an identical creature appeared in the doorway at the other end of the hall.

"Look what I found". The first creature said as they got closer. "Tastey treat".

"Yum, yum". The other creature replied. "Gimmie some".

"You're in quite the pickle now, huh"? The coke machine said.

"That goes without saying". He replied.

"Don't worry, you can still have a happy ending".

"Really, how"?

"You can give me back my quarter".

"How is that a happy ending"?

"Well...it's happy for me".

The creatures were closing in, and Liquid looked around for some kind of escape route.

Then he saw it.

The air duct above the coke machine.

He quickly climbed up, but the machine started shaking.

"Stop that". Liquid said as he tried to keep his balance.

"Bet you wish you paid me now, huh"? It replied.

He managed to climb into the duct just in time, and then he used his foot to push the machine over.

"Bastard"! It yelled as Liquid dissapeared into the ducts.


	15. Prison Memories

It was alot more difficult to move thru air ducts then Liquid thought. Instead of the fast motion you see in video games, he was moving extreamly slow, and often banged his head on the top of the duct.

He had no idea where he was going, but it appeared to be a streght shot, so it would be easy to back track if he had to.

Suddenly he heard a noise, and froze as something came into view. Something that was moving toward him at incredible speed.

There was no way for him to escape this thing, so he was forced to just sit there and wait for whatever it was.

"Wait a second". He said as it came up to him. "Are you Solid Snake"?

"No". He replied. "I'm Raiden".

"Oh, that's too bad". "What the hell are you doing here"?

"I was sneaking into the big shell, but then I saw my reflection in the duct walls, and I couldn't take my eyes off how pretty I am". "When I finally looked away, I had no idea where I was, and I just wandered until I ended up here".

"I figured as much". "Well, good luck with that".

"Thanks". "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where the big shell is, would you"?

Liquid smiled.

"The big shell, huh"? "Well today just happens to be your lucky day". "I just came from the big shell". "Just go streght behind me until you come to an opening, and jump down".

"Alright"! Raiden yelled. "Thanks man, I owe you one"!

"Don't mention it".

After about 10 minutes of trying to get past eachother, Raiden got past Liquid, and headed back at amazing speed.

Liquid listened until he got to the opening, and heard him jump down. 3 seconds later he heard Raiden screaming as the regenerators got him.

"Your welcome, asshole"! Liquid yelled as the screams began to die down. "You and your gay ass spandex skull suit"! "Solid Snake rules, you goddamn poser"!

Liquid waited until the screams stopped compleatly, and then continued thru the duct for what seemed like hours before comming to an opening.

He dropped down, and found himself in a holding cell of some kind.

"Liquid"? Ashley asked.

"Ashley"? He replied. "...I mean,...good, I finally found a way past the guards, and have come to your rescue".

"You got lost, didn't you"?

"Yeah, so"? "I'm here, aren't I"?

"Took you long enough". "Do you have any idea how long I've been in here"?

"Well, do you have any idea how much I don't give a frog's fat ass"?

They were about to start arguing again, when a paper airplane flew into the window, and jabbed Liquid in the eye.

Ashley opened it.

HEY MORON, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET, YOU CAN ESCAPE THRU THE SERVICE TUNNELS. YOU PROBIBLY WON'T MAKE IT, BUT OH WELL WHAT CAN YOU DO. BUT BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK OF ESCAPING, YOU WILL HAVE TO GET A KEY FROM A RATHER NASTY CREATURE CALLED A REGENERATOR, AND WATCH OUT FOR THE EVIL COKE MACHINE. ADA. PS: ASHLEY, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, YOU CAN MAKE LIQUID DO WHATEVER YOU WANT BY PINCHING THE TOP OF HIS RIGHT EAR.

"What's it say"? Liquid asked.

"We can escape thru the service tunnels". She replied as she tossed the paper back out the window. "But you need to get a key from a monster first". "Have fun".

"Already got it". "Now, let's get out of here".

"We can't". "The door's locked".

Liquid rolled his eyes, and walked over to the door.

He then pushed it open, and walked out.

"Prison guards only pretend to lock the cells". He explained as they walked down the hall. "I learned that last time I was in prison". "The guys on death row felt pretty stupid, let me tell you".

"So, what were you in prison for"? She asked.

"I took some stuff from a hotel".

"That's it"? "You went to prison for some towels, and soaps"?

"Nah, I took the bed". "I also took the tv, and every scrap of the raisen bran that they use for the continental breakfasts".

"You are such a dork". "How could you not get away with that"?

"Well, the owner walked in when I was having sex with his daughter, and she told him everything".

"Well, that sucks".

"It also turns out that she lied when she told me that she was 18".

"WHAT"!

"Yeah, I know". "I can't believe she did that". "Girls certenly didn't look like that when I was 15".

"You discusting little shit head"!

They came to a door, and Liquid used the key.

"I can't believe that you had sex with a 15 year old". She said as they walked thru a control room. "That's just a kid"!

"Ok, miss perfect". He replied. "How old were you the first time you had sex"?

"16 if you must know".

"Oooooo, big diffrence".

"Ok then, how old were you"?

"I was seven".

"WHAT"!

"But my babysitter was 13, so it was her fault". "Atleast that's what the law said". "Good thing they never found out that I put THC in her drink".

"What the hell is wrong with you"? "How could you do that"?

"Hey, she should have been paying attention to her job of watching me, instead of talking on the phone all the damn time". "And she should have noticed that her root beer tasted bitter".

They came to a room with a rather large hole in the floor.

"Ok, let's jump". He said.

"Are you out of your mind"? She asked.

"According to my last CAT scan, yes".

He grabbed her hand, and jumped off.

They landed on a pile of garbage.

"You could have killed us"! Ashley yelled.

"Calm down". He replied as they got up. "I knew you would be fine if you landed on that ass of yours".

"I landed on my face".

"Sorry, sometimes I get the two mixed up".

She had finally had enough.

She grabbed the top of his right ear, and pinched as hard as she could, making him scream, and fall to his knees.

"Holy crap, it works". She said.

"How did you know"? He gasped.

"Ada told me".

They were suddenly interupted when a regenerator broke out of the garbage, and roared.

Ashley pushed Liquid down, and ran out the door. Then she slammed the bars shut.

"Hey, let me out"! Liquid yelled.

"Drum sticks". The regenerator said as it stood up. "Tasty drum sticks".

It took a setp toward him, and was flattened by something that fell from above.

"Damn". The coke machine said. "I missed".

"How did you get in here"? Liquid asked.

"I've come for my 25 cents".

"Not gonna happen".

It sighed.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this". It said. "But you've forced me to take drastic measures".

"What are you talking about"?

"Did you ever see the movie Maximum Overdrive"?

"Yeah". "Why"?

A can of coke suddenly launched out of the machine, and slammed into Liquid's balls. Then another one hit him in the chest, followed by one to the head.

"Give me my quarter". The machine ordered as Liquid tried to get up.

"Never". He replied.

Five more cans slammed into him, followed by seven more.

"Now, bitch". It said. "Give me my quarter, now".

It kept firing cans at Liquid, who was unable to do anything to stop them.

"Ok"! He yelled. "You win"! "You can have the damn quarter"!

"Good boy". The machine replied. "It puts the quarter in the slot".

Liquid started to reach for his pocket, but instead grabbed his gun.

Another can knocked it out of his hand, and more cans started hitting him again.

He was about to lose consiousness, when the cans stopped.

"Shit". The machine said. "I can't be out already, can I".

Liquid went for his gun, but once again a can knocked it out of the way.

"Just kidding". It said as the cans continued to come.

"Alright, here"! Liquid said as he pulled the quarter out of his pocket.

He crawled over to the machine, and reached up toward the slot. But then he rolled away from the can's path of fire, and aimed his riot gun.

The machine was ripped in half by the blast, and Liquid laughed as he grabbed the quarters that were already inside.

"Look where your greed got you". He said as he shoved some into his pockets.

Ashley finally opened the door, and he stumbled out after picking up his hand gun.

"Would it have killed you to help me"? He asked.

"And miss the chance to see you being beaten down by a vending machine"?

He wanted to shoot her, but instead he just put the guns away. He didn't want to risk being put back to before the coke machine was destroyed.

"Let's just go". He said as they started toward a large tunnel.


	16. Saddler's Screw Up

They had reached the tunnel, and their sat a rather large bulldoser looking thing.

"Leave this to me". Ashley said as she jumped into the driver's seat.

"Hold on a second". Liquid replied as he got into the back. "You can drive this thing"?

"Well, yeah".

"So, you can operate heavy machienery, but you can't use a weapon, or get yourself out of an unlocked door"?

"So what"?

She started it up, and took off, making Liquid almost fall off.

"Take it easy"! He yelled.

She suddenly hit the breaks, and he hit the front of the viehical with his head.

"Damn woman drivers"! He yelled as he got up. "Why did you stop"!

He got his answer when he looked up, and saw 25 villagers running toward them.

"They're blocking the road". Ashley said. "It's up to you".

"Are you out of your mind"? He replied.

The villagers continued to get closer, so Liquid got in front, and pushed her foot down on the gas. He was then rewarded with the satisfying crunch of 25 villagers.

"Was that so hard"? He asked as they stopped. "Now I remember why I never go for blondes".

"Oh, and I suppose that Ada treates you so much better". She replied.

"Atleast Ada would know enough to run over the psycho villagers, instead of trying to make me do it".

"Yeah, and that thing she does to your ear is just so wonderful".

"You did it, too".

"Because she told me how on the paper airplane".

"That's because she, unlike you, is capible of doing things on her own".

"Things like kick your ass, maybe".

"You're just jealous because she doesn't need someone to rescue her".

"Well, why don't you just go back with her then"?

"I would if I could find her".

"Fine".

"Fine".

"Fine".

"Fine".

"Asshole".

"Trollup".

"Child molester".

"Git".

"Bitch boy".

"Wanker".

"Douche".

"Slut".

"Assclown".

"Bitch".

They suddenly thru their arms around eachother, and started kissing again, but were interupted by a horn honking.

A truck came around a corner.

"Son of a bitch"! Liquid yelled as he put it in gear.

He stomped on the gas, and headed right for the truck.

"We're gonna crash"! Ashley yelled.

"I know". He replied.

"What are you doing"!

"Think about it". "He's in a truck from the 1960's, and we have a giant indestructible bulldozer".

"Oh".

They hit the truck, and slammed it into the wall, crippling it.

A few seconds later it exploded, and they laughed as the now burning villagers got out and started running around.

"WATCH THE ROAD"! Ashley yelled.

They suddenly crashed thru the wall, and were thrown from the bulldozer.

"Nice driving". Ashley said as they got up.

There was only one door for them to go thru, so they did, and imeadiatly wished they hadn't.

They were now in some kind of chapel.

"Nice to see you again, Liquid". Saddler said as he walked out.

"Oh great, it's the drag queen". Liquid replied.

Saddler pointed at them, and Ashley fell over in pain.

Liquid was uneffected.

"What the"? Saddler asked.

"What are you doing"? Liquid asked.

"I injected you with a los plagos egg". "You should be writhing in pain right now".

"I don't feel anything".

"Damn, I must have done something wrong". "...let's see...you were tied up, and I was preping the injector while eating my m&m's...oh, shit".

"What"?

"So, that's why the last one tasted funny". "I guess I injected you with a peanut m&m by mistake".

Liquid started laughing.

"Some great terrorist you are". He said. "What kind of an idiot mistakes a parasidic egg for an m&m".

Saddler was apparently getting mad.

"Enough of this". He said. "Ashley, come to me".

She got up, and began walking toward him.

Liquid went to stop her, but a large stinger shot out from under Saddler's robe, and smacked him.

This sent Liquid flying into the back wall.

He was recovering just as Saddler took Ashley away, and tried to follow, but instead passed out on the floor.

"Hey, wake up"! Ada yelled.

"Uhhhh". He replied.

"Laying down on the job again"?

"Owwww".

"Quit being such a baby".

"But he hit's really hard".

"Don't move, I need a sample of the los plagos, and I've decided to take the one out of you".

"Ok".

She then jammed a rather large syrenge into his neck, and extracted what she thought was the egg.

"I thought the eggs were pink". She said as she looked closer into the syrenge. "...Wait a minute...m...&...m"?

She looked at Liquid, but he was gone.

Then a chair was broken over her head, knocking her out, and Liquid tied her up with some rope from the curtains.

"I told you what would happen if I got my hands on you". He said.


	17. Out Of The Frying Pan

"Now". Liquid said as he finished tying up Ada. "I can handle being beaten, shot at, being taken hostage, and I can even handle being kicked out a twenty storie building". "But the one thing I can't stand is having someone pinching my right ear".

"Save the speeches, Liquid". She replied. "You don't scare me".

"Don't I"?

"No".

"Well, you won't be so brave after I do my one man show of The Life And Times Of Carrot Top".

Ada gasped.

"You wouldn't". She replied.

"Oh, yes I would". He replied. "Followed by my 5 hour tribute to Sonny And Cher".

"NOOOOOOOO"!

"YES"! "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

Ada pulled against the ropes, but couldn't break them.

"You bastard". She said.

"Yes, I am". He replied. "And now we begin the torture with my most favorite event".

Ada gasped as he pulled her boots off.

"No". She said. "You can't". "Anything but that".

"Oh, I'm afraid so". He replied.

"Please, I'm begging you".

"Sorry, can't hear you". "But, yes, I am now going to...tickle your feet".

Suddenly something grabbed him from behind, and tossed him across the room. He rolled across the floor, and looked up to see Wesker freeing Ada.

"Aw, crap". Liquid said as he got up.

"Go and get the sample". Wesker said. "I will deal with Liquid".

Ada ran out of the chapel, and Wesker faced Liquid.

"I'm quite surprised that you are still among the living". Wesker said as he walked toward him.

"Believe me". Liquid replied. "So am I".

"Was it fun for you to steel my submarine while my back was turned"? "It took me and Chris 6 months to paddle to land".

"Claire took the sub, you gimboid". "Xing released me, that's all".

"And during that six months we had to resort to canibalism".

"Gross"...But hey, your regeneration should have given you plenty of food".

"Liquid, do you have any idea what it's like to eat your own foot 574 times"?

"Uh, no".

"Well, you're about to find out".

Wesker charged, and Liquid pulled out his knife, and cut the anchor rope on one of the large chandillers.

The chandiller crashed to the floor...and missed Wesker by 3 feet.

"Damn it". Liquid said as he hung his head.

"Nice try". Wesker replied. "Now we are going to play a game called See What Color Liquid's Insides Are".

"Red".

"Huh"?

"My insides are red". "New game"?

"Ok, now we can play See How Many Of Liquid's Limbs Can Be Removed Before He Loses Consiousness".

Wesker was about to charge, when cracks began appearing in the floor, spider-veining out from where the chandiller hit.

"Oh, shit". They both said.

The floor collapsed, and Wesker fell, while Liquid dove for the door. He made it out just in time, and Wesker was burried under the rubble.

Liquid was now in some kind of miner's base camp, and he could see hundreds of villagers.

He ducked out of sight, and tried to figure out the best way to get past them.

Suddenly a helicopter appeared, and started firing on the villagers.

"YES"! Liquid yelled.

"There 'hic' you are, Lance". The pilot said as the searchlight shined on him.

"What"?

The helicopter was rocking back and forth, and he saw what he thought was a beer bottle being tossed out the window.

"Lance". The pilot continued. "This is 'hic' Colenel Killgore". "Give us back the 'hic' board".

"You got the wrong guy". Liquid replied. "I'm Liquid, not Lance".

"Lance...don't 'hic'...don...'hic'...don't lie to me, Lance". "This baby's...'hic'...loaded...and so am I".

Liquid ran across the camp as the helicopter opened fire, blowing away everything in it's path.

He finally came to a door that led to inside the mountain, but it was locked.

"Crud". He whispered to himself as he turned around to face the helicopter.

The helicopter was swaying back and forth, but it was also getting closer.

"C'mon Liquid, think". He said to himself. "What would Solid Snake do"?..."He'd use his Stinger launcher".

It was a good plan, but there was the small setback of Liquid not having a Stinger launcher.

"Give me my 'hic' board". The pilot repeated as it aimed at Liquid.

But suddenly a missile slammed into it, and the helicopter crashed.

"What the"? Liquid asked as he looked around.

He saw Saddler walk behind a rock on top of the mountain.

"Oh, ok". Liquid said.

His radio beeped.

"Hahahahahahahah"! Saddler laughed. "So sorry about your friend".

"Uh...yeah, sure". Liquid replied.

"So as a show of saddness for your loss, I'm going to unlock that door for you".

"Gee, thanks".

"Don't mention it". "And since you are doing so well on this island, I'm going to introduce you to It".

"It"?

Saddler hung up, and the door opened.

"It"? Liquid asked as he walked in.


	18. Facing IT

Liquid was once again inside a cave of some kind, and in the distance he could see what looked like a kind of bridge that was divided into sections, and held up by a wire cable.

He tried to be as quiet as possible as he made his way toward it.

Nothing moved or made a sound as he reached some kind of control room. He tried a button, but there was no power, so the only other option was the bridge.

"It, huh"? Liquid once again asked as he walked down toward the bridge. "That sounds bad".

He was just stepping onto the bridge, when he heard a deep voice laughing behind him.

There was someone standing at the control room, and Liquid squnited to see who it was. Then his eyes widened, and he almost dropped his gun.

"Hello, Liquid". Pennywise The Clown said as he slowly started walking toward him.

"Oh, my God". Liquid whispered.

"Don't you want a balloon"?

A balloon appeared in Pennywise's hand.

"No thanks". Liquid managed to say as he took a step backward.

"But they float". Pennywise replied. "They all float".

Liquid took another step back.

"And when you're down here with me". Pennywise continued. "You'll float, too".

The clown's teeth turned into fangs, and he ran toward Liquid, who had already started running across the bridge.

Liquid got to the second section, and slammed the door shut. Then he pushed the release button, and the first section fell into the abyss.

"It". Liquid said as he leaned agianst the door. "I should have known".

"But, now you do". Pennywise said as he walked out from behind a crate. "I am Pennywise the dancing clown, and you are Liquid". "So, now we know eachother".

He ran at Liquid, and tackled him to the floor. It took all of Liquid's strength to keep the clown's fangs from sinking in.

"Be afraid". Pennywise said. "You taste better when you're afraid".

Liquid suddenly craned his head up, and sunk his teeth into the clown's big red nose.

Pennywise released him, and jumped back.

"How do you like it"! Liquid yelled as he got up.

Pennywise ran at him, but he kicked him in the balls, and punched him in his wounded nose, making him stumble back into a crate.

"A human can't kill me". He said. "I am the eater of worlds, and of children". "I am every nightmare you ever had".

"And I". Liquid replied as he took out his knife. "Am going to eat you".

He ran at the clown, but turned at the last second, and dove into the next section of the bridge. Then he kicked the button, and the second section fell into the abyss.

"Damn clowns". He said to himself.

"We're not that bad, are we"? Pennywise asked as he once again stepped out from behind a crate.

"How in the cherry covered hell did you do that"?

Pennywise started laughing.

"I can do many things". He replied. "You can't defeat me". "You'll die if you try...you'll die if you try...you'll die if you try...you'll die if you try".

"Shut the fuck up"! Liquid yelled as he raised his gun.

He emptied his clip into the clown, dropping him, and then he once again dove thru the door, and released the lock, sending the third section into the abyss.

"You'll like it down here with us". Pennywise continued as he walked out from behind a crate. "There's cotton candy, and rides, and ballons that flooooooooat". "And you'll never have to grow up, because you'll float, too"!

Liquid picked up a metal pipe, and smacked him up side the head, knocking him against the wall.

"I'm already grown up"! Liquid replied as he hit him again and again. "I hate cotton candy, I hate rides, I hate clowns that remind me of Tim Curry, and the only floating that I want to do involves large amounts of LSD"!

He continued beating the clown until his arms were tired, and then he dumped the fourth section into the abyss.

"I am eturnal". Pennywise said as Liquid's jaw dropped. "Now do you see that you can't beat me"?

"It's starting to look that way". Liquid replied.

The clown's teeth once again became fangs, and Liquid desperatly tried to think of some way out of this situation.

Pennywise charged at him, and Liquid dropped to the floor at the last second. This caused the clown to run over him, and fall off the bridge.

"What a dumbass". Liquid said as he reached the other side of the abyss.

He dropped the last section, hoping to crush the clown, and then started toward the door.

"Come back anytime". Pennywise said as he climbed up. "Bring your friends".

Liquid raised his riot gun, and shoved the barrel in the clown's mouth.

"How about no"? Liquid asked.

He pulled the trigger, and Pennywise fell back down.

"You can't stop me, Liquid"! Pennywise called. "I'll keep comming back"!

"Whatever". Liquid replied as he walked thru the door. "Stupid clowns".


	19. Liquid Vs Krauser

After walking thru the door, and leaving that fucking clown at the bottom of the abyss, Liquid found himself standing in front of what appeared to be the ruins of some kind of castle.

He stopped to listen for enemies, but only heard the wind. This alone was enough to tell him that there was going to be some horrible danger waiting for him around the corner, so he decided that it was best to keep a low profile.

"Liquid"! Krauser called from on top of one of the towers.

Liquid hung his head.

The last thing he wanted to do right now was deal with this loser again.

"Liquid"! He called again.

"What"? Liquid asked.

"It's time for a little game"!

"Can't we do this some other time"?

"No"!

"Why not"?

"Because I want to do it now"!

Krauser began jumping up and down.

"NOW"! He screamed. "NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW"!

"Alright"! Liquid yelled. "If it will make you shut the hell up".

Krauser smiled.

"There is a door over there". Krauser explained. "It will only open if you insert a certain key".

"And let me guess". Liquid replied. "You have it, don't you"?

"Yes, I do". "And you can only get it if you defeat me". "But, before you do that, you must follow the path that leads from where you are now to this tower". "And there are a few surprises waiting for you along the way BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"What the hell is wrong with you people"? Liquid asked. "What kind of twisted-ass up bringing causes you to do this kind of shit"? "You get off on this, don't you"? "Signal YES by shooting yourself in the head six times".

Krauser began laughing.

"That might have worked on Claire". He replied. "But, I will not fall for such simple tricks".

"LOOK BEHIND YOU"! Liquid screamed.

Krauser immeadiatly spun around, and then smacked himself in the head. Then he gasped, and turned back around to see that Liquid was gone.

"Shit"! He said to himself as he scaned the area. "Where the fuck did he go"!

He kept looking all along the path, but there was nothing.

Something moved behind him, and he turned just in time to read what was on the bottom of Liquid's shoe, before being knocked on his ass.

"Game over". Liquid said. "Give me the key".

"How the hell did you get up here"? He asked.

"Well, unlike your average RE character, I am more then capible of climbing up a wall".

"YOU DID IT TO ME AGAIN"! "I SPENT 5 HOURS PLANNING THIS, AND YOU CHEATED AGAIN"!

Krauser leaped up, and tackled him.

They rolled all around the tower roof, trying to put eachother into a submission hold, but the fight was going nowhere.

Suddenly, Liquid poked Krauser in the eye, and they separated.

"Nice moves". Krauser said as they got to their feet.

"You fight like a girl". Liquid replied. "Now give me the fucking key".

Krauser's arm suddenly turned into a giant wing-shield looking thing.

"Ok". Liquid said as he stepped back. "I didn't see that one comming".

"No one ever does". Krauser replied. "It's a great conversation starter at parties".

"Can you open your beer with it"?

"Hell yeah". "And you know that one tiny spot on your back that you can never seem to reach"?

"Yeah"?

"I can scratch it". "Now prepare for your death".

Krauser pushed a button on his watch, and a 3 minute countdown began.

"How original". Liquid said. "A bomb".

Krauser charged, but Liquid moved out of the way, and kicked him in the side, amking him stumble backwards.

Liquid went for another kick, but Krauser smacked him with his wing, and sent him flying into the wall.

"DIE"! Krauser screamed as he flew full speed at Liquid.

Liquid moved out of the way, making Krauser's wing sink all the way into the wall, but he lost his balance, and fell off the tower, landing right next to the door. But then in a surprising move, he rolled under a large rock.

"HA HA HA"! Krauser laughed as he tried to free his arm. "Is that all you got, Liquid"? "Get back up here, you still have 2 minutes, and 5 seconds.

He ripped his wing out of the wall, and screamed as the bombs went off, destroying the tower.

Krauser landed on the ground in the same place that Liquid had. His arm was destroyed, and he was burned pretty bad.

"You might be asking yourself". Liquid said as he came out from under the rock. "Just what the hell just happened"?

He took the key out of his pocket, and unlocked the door. Then he turned back to Krauser.

"Anyone who knows me for more then a minute, knows that it is a very bad idea to grapple with me". He explained. "Not only did I take your wallet, your last piece of Juicy Fruit, and the key to the door". "But I also set your watch ahead 2 minutes".

"You bastard". Krauser gasped.

"You have no idea".

Liquid pulled out his gun, and blasted Krauser in the head.

"Sometimes it hurts to be such a goddamn genious". He said as he pushed open the door.


	20. Royal Rumble

Leaving the remains of Krauser behind, Liquid entered the door, and found himself inside of yet another labratory complex.

All was quiet as he moved down the hall, and when he opened the door at the end he saw Ashley trapped inside some kind of machine.

"I've seen these pods on TV". Liquid said to himself as he moved toward it. "And I've learned that it takes a long and complicated procedure to open them, or you could risk killing the person trapped inside".

So he grabbed the release handle, and yanked it as hard as he could. This made the machine short out, and Ashley fell to the floor.

She groaned as she regained consiousness.

Liquid decided that now would be the perfect time to get back at her for all the shit she put him through, so he looked around the lab for something that he could use.

"That thing looks painfull". Liquid said as he slung Ashley over his shoulder.

He put her in a strange chair, and the wrist restraints activated.

"What the hell do you think you're doing"? She asked as she woke all the way up.

"Oh, nothing". He replied as he pushed buttons on the control panal.

A radiation beam began shooting into her chest, making her scream.

"So". Liquid said. "You like to kick people in the balls, and pinch their ears, huh"? "Alright, I got something for you, you little trollup".

He increased the power for a minute, and then it shut off by itself.

"Hey"! Liquid yelled as Ashley was released. "What gives"!

A monitor lit up next to the chair, and it showed the radiation results.

"Liquid, you did it"! She yelled as she hugged him.

"Did what"? He asked.

"You got the los plagos out of me"!

"WHAT"! "NO I DIDN'T"!

Ashley kissed him.

"I mean". He said. "Of course I did". "That was the plan from the beginning". "I mean, I couldn't just let it take over you".

"Liquid"? She asked.

"Yes"?

"Are you lying to me"?

"...no".

She grabbed his right ear, and forced him down to the ground.

"Liquid". She repeated. "Are you lying to me"?

"YES"! He yelled.

"That wasn't very nice". "Are you sorry"?

"Yes"! "Very sorry"!

"Kiss my foot".

"Fuck you".

She tightened her grip.

"KISS IT"! She yelled.

He touched his lips to her foot, and she released him.

"That's better". She said as she turned toward the door. "Now let's get out of

She was interupted by Liquid tackling her to the floor.

He started smacking her, but was stopped by her tazor being jammed into his side, making him fall over. She then got on top of him, and started punching him in the jaw.

Liquid kicked her in the back of the head, and did a backward roll, getting on top of her once again.

He held her wrists with one hand, and picked up her tazor.

"And where the hell was this when we were being attacked by thoes villagers"! He yelled. "And why is it that you only know how to defend yourself when it's against me"!

She brought her legs up, and wrapped them around his head, pulling him off of her. Then she got on top of him and jammed the tazor into his head until the batteries gave out.

She punched him.

"Why can't you just be like all the other men in the world and do what I say just because I'm hot"? She asked as she kept punching him. "Why did I get the only hero in the world that only cares about himself"? "Do you have any idea what most men would give to have me"? "They would give anything". "I even had one guy offer me his eturnal soul for one date".

Liquid started to move, so she changed batteries in her tazor, and once again drained it into him.

"I have 3 more batteries". She continued. "Don't interupt me again".

She was about to continue the beating, when someone kicked her in the head, making her roll off of him.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing"? Ada asked as Ashley got up. "If anyone's going to continuously beat and torture him, it will be me".

"Back off, you Lucy Liu looking bitch". Ashley replied. "Liquid is my punching bag".

"Are you crazy"? "I look nothing like Lucy Liu".

"All you people look alike".

"What did you say you little piece of white trash"?

Liquid started to move again, and they both kicked him in the head.

"I'm sorry, Ada". Ashley said.

"I'm sorry, too". She replied. "We can both kick his ass".

They looked around for something they could use.

"That thing looks painful". Ada said.

She pointed to an iorn madien.

They started dragging him, but stopped when Saddler walked into the room.

"Hello, ladies". He said. "Is that thing still alive"?

They dropped Liquid and he groaned as he hit the floor.

"Unfourtionatly, yes". Ada said.

"Too bad". Saddler replied. "Ok, this is how it's going to work". "One of you are going to be my sex slave, and the other two are going to be eaten alive by an evil piecost".

"What's a piecost"?

"3 dollars for pumpkin, 4 for apple".

He started laughing hysterrically.

"Sorry". He said. "I couldn't resist". "But seriously, two of you are going to die". "Now which one of you lovely ladies wants to be my own personal cheerleader"?

"Liquid does". They both replied.

"Ewwwww".

Ada pulled out her TMP, and began unloading into Saddler, but the bullets did nothing.

Ashley began dragging Liquid out the door.

"I'd love to watch you die in here". She said. "But if Ada dies, I need a distraction so that I can escape".

Ada kept firing, but it just made Saddler laugh.

"I've got it". He said as Ada reloaded. "I'm going to make you dress up as Sailor Moon".

Ada shifted her fire to the gas barrals that were convieniently above Saddler, and they exploded.

"Got you, you sick fuck". Ada said. "We'll see who dresses like Sailor Moon".

Saddler walked out of the fire, and Ada's jaw droped.

"Now, you've made me mad". He said. "Now I will have you dress like Claire Redfield".


	21. Forced To Play Hero

Ashley slowly dragged Liquid down the rocky path. She had noticed some jet-ski's in the distance, and she would need Liquid to hot wire one if she wanted to leave the island.

Liquid's head bounced on a rock, and he woke up. Ashley hadn't seen this since she was facing away from him, and she also didn't notice when he pulled back his free foot, and slammed it into her ass, making her eat the ground.

Since she was in better condition then him, Ashley got to her feet first, and turned around to hit him, but found herself looking at the barrel of a 38. Special.

"I've about had enough of you". Liquid said as he pulled the hammer back.

"Where did you get that"? Ashley asked. "I took all of your weapons".

"It was in my boot".

"I checked your boots".

"Oh, it was, um, up my sleeve"! "Yes, up my sleeve".

"I checked there, too". "It was up your ass, wasn't it"?

"No, it wasn't".

"I can't believe how gross you are". "Wait a minute, those don't have a saftey". "How did you keep it from going off"?

"Easy, I just thought about baseball".

"What"?

"Nothing".

He got to his feet, and motioned for her to keep going toward the dock.

"Let's go". He said. "I need to get you back, so I can get out of this God aweful hell hole".

"Liquid"! Ada screamed from on top of the tower.

"She was taken by Saddler". Ashley explained.

"Good". Liquid replied. "Let's go before she gets away".

"You're just going to leave her"!

"Yes".

"You are without a doubt the worst hero ever"!

"Hey, wait a second". "You were going to leave her, too".

"Well, I'm not the hero". "I'm the extremely beautiful damsel in distress".

"Yeah, and I'm Chris Kringle".

Suddenly Ashley kicked the gun out of his hand, caught it in the air, and hit him with the handle, sending him back down.

"Holy shit". Was all he could say. "Where was all this when you were kiddnapped by Salazzar back at the castle"?

"Don't worry about it, bitch". She replied as she aimed the gun at him. "Now get your worthless ass up there before my finger starts twitching".

"You know that gun was in my ass, right"?

"EWWWW"!

She dropped the gun, and Liquid tackled her, but she used the momentum to flip him over, making him eat the ground. Then she once again grabbed the gun before he could get up.

"Damn it". Liquid said.

"Go". She ordered.

In his weakened condition there was no way for him to beat her, so he hung his head, and headed for the elevator.

"Man". He said to himself. "This is worse then the time I thought the toaster was a sex toy".

He stepped into the elevator, and it started up. But once it was about half way up, he hit the stop button, and prepared to dive into the water.

Suddenly a bullet struck the bar two inches away from his hand, stopping him.

"Keep going"! Ashley ordered.

He hit the start button, and finished the trip.

"Liquid"! Ada exclaimed as he stepped out.

She was tied to a crane, suspended in the air.

Liquid started laughing.

"Get me down"! Ada yelled.

"No". He replied.

"You can't leave me here"!

"Oh, yeah"?

The moment was interupted as Saddler stepped out from behind a pile of metal.

"I knew you would come". He said. "No hero can resist the chance to rescue the woman he loves".

"Wait a second". Liquid said. "Did you say love"? "I must admit that she's an incredible piece of ass, but it takes alot more then that to make me fall in love".

"Nevertheless". "You are here, and I will now kill you".

Great, Liquid thought. Now he's gonna turn into a huge ass monster, and I can kill him easily. Why don't they ever use anything different?

"I was going to turn into a giant monster". Saddler said. "And then I would crush you with my superior powers". "But since it never worked for any of the bosses in the other Resident Evil games, I think I will try something different".

He reached into his pocket, and Liquid gasped at what he pulled out.

"No". Liquid said. "It can't be".

"Yes". Saddler said as he ripped the top off of his can of spinach. "It can".

He ate the entire can's contents, and Liquid gasped as Saddler became ripped.


	22. It All Ends Here

"Great"! Liquid yelled. "Just goddamn great"!

"What's wrong, Liquid"? Saddler asked as he flexed his muscles. "Not so cocky now, are you"?

He stomped the ground, and the shockwave easily knocked Liquid off his feet.

Saddler was laughing like a mad man. Without weapons, there was no way that he could beat Saddler.

"Do something"! Ada yelled.

"Like what"! Liquid replied.

"I don't know"! "You're supposed to be the hero"!

Liquid didn't like this, so there was only one thing to do.

"See ya". He said as he ran back toward the elevator.

"HEY"! Ada screamed. "Come back here, you coward"!

He was about to get in, when a bullet struck the metal right next to him.

"Don't even think about it"! Ashley yelled. "Get back in there"!

Liquid turned around just in time for Saddler to grab him by the face, and throw him across the roof. Liquid crashed into some equipment, and recovered in time for Saddler to grab him again, and give him another good toss.

Meanwhile, Ada was struggling to free herself, getting just a bit more loose each time Liquid was tossed.

"I'm almost out". She said as Liquid flew by.

Liquid was getting tired of getting tossed around like a bitch, so the next time he landed, he picked up a metal pipe, and struck Saddler in the face as hard as he could.

"What was that"? Saddler asked. "A misqueto"?

He grabbed Liquid by the ankles, and lifted him into the air. Then he began to spin around faster and faster, before letting Liquid fly away like a frisby.

Liquid screamed as he flew, and then he crashed into a lever. This caused a craneload of very large metal beams to swing at Saddler, striking him in the chest, and knocking him down.

By this time, Ada had managed to free herself, and was now standing on a pile of metal high above Liquid.

"Use this"! She yelled as she tossed a rocket launcher at his feet.

"YES"! Liquid yelled as he picked it up, and shouldered it.

This was it. His one chance to save all their lives, and be a real hero for once. This weapon would surely spell victory for them, and be his ticket to freedom.

"Asta la bye bye". He said as he aimed it at Saddler.

He pulled the trigger, and a flag popped out, with the word BANG written on it.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA"! Ada laughed. "I can't believe you fell for that"! "You should see the look on your face"!

She then ran over to the elevator, and went down.

"NO"! Liquid yelled as he started to follow her.

But Saddler stopped him, and began beating him mercilessly into the ground. Then he picked him up, and tossed him all the way across the roof. Liquid came to a stop after rolling for a ways, and crashing into another pile of equipment.

His radio beeped, and to his surprise, it was Xing.

"Hi". Xing said.

"Busy here". He replied.

"Just wanted to let you know that you are screwed". "Later".

Xing hung up, and as Saddler charged towards him yet again, he saw Ashley and Ada riding away on the jet-ski.

"No". Liquid moaned.

"Yes". Saddler replied as he walked towards him again.

Suddenly a helicopter appeared behind Saddler, piloted by the merchant. Liquid crawled under the metal just before a missile was fired.

It struck Saddler in the back, sending him off the edge of the roof. He fell all the way down, and landed on a giant fuel tank.

The explosion rocked the tower as Saddler was destroyed in a blaze. Then the merchant landed the chopper, and jumped out. He then took off his cloak, revealing that he was really Albert Wesker.

"If anyone is going to destroy Liquid". He said. "It will be me".

Wesker looked at the explosion for a second, and then looked into Liquid's hiding place.

Liquid was gone.

"Liquid". He called. "Where the fuck are you"?

Liquid suddenly jumped out, and rammed into him, pushing him off the edge.

"Thanks for the bird"! Liquid yelled as he hobbled over to the helicopter.

Wesker landed on his feet, and wasted no time in getting over to the elevator shaft. Someone had disabled it, so he began climbing.

Liquid had just gotten it fired up when Wesker came over the edge, and gave him a look that meant death. But for once Liquid was ready. He fired a missile, and laughed as it screamed toward Wesker.

But Wesker was faster then Liquid thought, and he leaned down, easily avoiding the missile, and he would have said something extreamly cool and witty, had the missile not gotten caught on his jacket.

He screamed as the missile carried him away, and Liquid took the bird up into the air. A few well placed missiles later, the island was in ruins, and Liquid had survived yet again.

His radio beeped, and he answered it, expecting to see Xing.

But it was Hunnigan.

"Hello, Liquid". She said. "I have some bad news and some good news".

"Yeah"? He asked. "You're not still mad at me, are you"?

"The bad news is that Xing said you can't leave until Ashley gets home".

"Well, that sucks, considering she just left me for dead". "What's the good news"?

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico". "HA HA HA HA HA"!

"Great, so what am I supposed to do now"?

"Don't worry, Ashley is headed for home, and should be there in a few days".

"So, what am I supposed to do until then"?... "Are you doing anything tonight"?

"Need I remind you that you are on duty"?

"Need I remind you that I don't care"?

"...Pick me up at 8:00".

She hung up, and Liquid flew the chopper across the ocean as fast as he could.

Maybe he would get a happy ending afterall.


End file.
